I’m exhausted. Not really physically (although I could certainly use some more sleep) but more mentally than anything. I feel like I’ve been on a psychological roller coaster for the past week. As an introvert I’ve had to be “on” for 8 days straight now, with only one break day before that in the last two weeks. I need my introverted Kaitlyn time!
It was a combination of 16-hour workdays, limited breaks, and general workplace craziness as less than 30 staff put on a conference for over 6,000 people. How did I handle it? Surprisingly well for the situation I think. I suffered from a bit of anxiety midweek as the conference actually started and all my bad memories from when I did this two years ago (I had apparently blocked them out) resurfaced with a vengeance. And after the conference, I’m feeling anxious because I’ve been gone for a week and now I have a lot of things on my plate that I have to get back to dealing with ASAP. It’s not like I get a day or week off to recuperate and put the puzzle that is my life back together. Instead, just like always, I’m driving full-speed down the highway towards an unknown destination while hanging out the window of my car trying to salvage what I can of my life that seems to be endlessly spilling from the engine. It’s a futile task. And I’m having to remember to breathe.
You’d think that going to a pretty cool place like Nashville, TN would afford me at least a little bit of pleasure and leisure time. And I did get one evening where I went to the Grand Ole Opry to see some amazing musicians perform (including Blake Shelton!) I’m so glad I got to do something at least a little bit fun one night amid the madness. I still haven’t gone swimming in the Gaylord Opryland’s fancy pool(s). But then, maybe one pool isn’t all that much greater than the next. (Unless it has a waterfall, and to my knowledge this one didn’t so…)
Mostly I just want to get back to some semblance of normal life, but I’m anxious that it won’t happen. There are a lot of potential changes coming up for me (ones I’ve been working hard to secure, but that doesn’t stop me from second-guessing myself.) I can’t really have a “normal” life, can I? It wouldn’t be life if it wasn’t a wild and dangerous ride into the pitch black unknown, would it?
I guess, this is all to say that I could really use some prayers this week and in the coming few as I transition back to normal life or start another wild ride. I’m uncertain of which way it will go. Either way has its benefits, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about the future!